Sunday, March 21, 2010


So today I'm in the car driving home from my parents house and that new song by Train comes on.  I like the song, it seems very happy-go-lucky, and gives me a good happy feeling.  So as I think about the song, I think about Jesse.  I think about how I'm going to react when I pick him up for R&R (getting closer now!). I don't know why I think of this reunion more than his actual homecoming, maybe because he's invited a zillion people to come to his homecoming (not thrilled about that) and this is just going to be me and him.  No one else.  That feels pretty good.

So as I start thinking about that I think of how I'll probably cry.  Now, crying is something I have been doing much more freely since he has left.  I cry at the Biggest Loser, when a man or woman cries on TV (real or fiction), when someone loses a spouse or almost loses one (real or fiction again, lol), or when I start thinking about men and women KIA, MIA, and wounded and their families.  This is something that is a bit more new to me -- tears coming so freely.  I believe it's a combination of his absence and me being alone enough to cry.  Nonetheless it's just about ridiculous.  So, I believe I'll be crying when I pick him up from the airport (likely I will be meeting him at his gate) and I can only imagine that I'll be making a scene.  Thats what it looks like in my head, at least.

I then start thinking about how I thought I was going to handle him being gone.  To be honest, I thought I was going to be a complete mess.  I have been around a few women during a deployment who were pretty much that:  a mess.  I think to an FRG leader I met a while back who told me that before deployment she had everyone picked out:  who was going to be the problem and who wasn't.  She said that everything ended up being the exact opposite of what she thought.

So I am curious, when you learned of your looming deployment, how did you think you would handle it?  Did it end up being that way?

Me, I am not a complete mess like I thought I was going to be.  I (even though I cry when I'm alone with the TV) am holding up quite well.  I dealt with Jesse after his previous trip to the middle east, and even though I didn't know him before he left, I sure dealt with a lot of his reintegration when he got back home.  I knew what he did over there the first time, how limited contact would be.  I think that helps some, even though I will admit I currently do talk to him more often than most other wives from our unit.  One thing that surprises me though is that I'm not crying every day or sitting around acting helpless.  I totally thought I was going to be that person.

On a lighter note, I am thinking about doing the Couch to 5K "program" to try and get my butt in gear.  Some girls from the FRG want to be involved in a 5K come June, and I would love to participate if possible.  I want to start my "training" this week, then when Jesse is home on leave we're going to *attempt* attending some spin classes, and hopefully getting in that swing will make life better for me.

I also want to go to Crystal Mountain for Easter, I think it would be amazing to do.  Watching the sun rise over the snow capped Cascades, what would be better than that?  I also wanted to go to an Easter service, and had no clue where.  So, weather permitting, I think I'm going to do it (I think I can rope at least my father in to go with me).  Besides, no snowboarding required.  I would likely fall on my face many times before I got to the bottom of the mountain...And that's just not pretty!

When Jesse's home on leave I also want to attend the tulip festival in Mount Vernon.  That would be awesome.

Right now I'm thinking....You only live once.  So I'm going to get out there and make that one time count.

Have a great week, I am off to get my house in gear for my houseguest (Taylor) who is going to be residing at my house for a couple of nights!  Wish me luck that he doesn't eat me out of house and home ;)


  1. It's fine to cry! Heck, Brandon's only been for a little over 4 weeks but I cry at shows, songs, or thinking things. I guess it's just an emotionally charged state when our husbands are gone.

    Now Brandon hasn't deployed yet but I have that deployment looming before us. I don't think I'll be that person who completely falls apart, because that's not in my personality. I do think I will have some depressed moments and some moments where I'll just hate it. My view, though, is "this too shall pass" and go day by day. There's no other option, it's not like I can get out of the situation!

    My only thought for the deployment is nervousness. Nervous because we've never been separated for that long, nervous about our communication skills, nervous about how it'll be mentally on him. Just nervous about the unknown!

  2. Honestly I thought I would hold it together better than I have so far. I cry at everything, even e-harmony commercials. And I too have those grandiose r&r thoughts...meeting him at the gate, just us, running into his arms and I'm beginning to worry that maybe I'm idealizing it too much.

    Anyways, I had myself pegged as someone who would get by just fine (well, by deployment standards) and yet I'm the one who hasn't left the house in 8 days and is now living off of ramen (seriously, if anyone lives in the San Diego area, come get me...)

    each day I wake up thinking today is the day I put my life back together yet each morning I sleep in until 2 pm, crawl in front of the tv and sulk.



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